Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka (one of my favorites) posted this bit about foot-in-mouth moments and some 70 people weighed in with their own stories, which I've been enjoying. Here was my own:
I hesitate writing this one because nobody will like me after but WTF right?
In college 2,000 years ago I had a group of friends who loved to play “The Dozens,” e.g., sling mom jokes. We graduated. (Not from mom jokes). Email had just been discovered and there was a chain going back and forth about, I dunno, getting together for drinks or something.
Background, there was a personal rivalry between me and “J” which sometimes got heated. Lately he had been at my mom (and no, I don’t mean “AT” my MOM) and I was out for blood.
The email chain was going back and forth. Someone pointed out the bad spelling in one of J’s responses. My fingers flew:
“J never learned English correctly because his mom used to staple his tongue to his forehead so he wouldn’t scream when she fucked him with her big, purple, cock.”
I got an email from just one friend seconds later: “Dude! My PARENTS were on that list!”
His parents were very Catholic and in their ’70s.
Perhaps they violated him with rosaries instead? Anyway. My foot has teeth marks from many subsequent faux passes. Thanks for sharing.
Which is a worse faux pas, reposting comments or commenting about purple cocks? I don't know. Go ask your mom. (If moms are a sensitive subject, and right there I've committed a meta-faux pas, PLEASE forgive. ALL moms are awesome. Especially yours. She's so enormous that...)
*One time we were on a road trip and a car pulling a speedboat passed and someone said "Hey Dave. Is that one of your mom's bath toys?" That still makes me shoot Mountain Dew out my nose.