Hollywood: Is this some kind of game?

I'm very excited, because the producers of Real Steel have announced pre-production of a Hungry Hungry Hippos adaptation! There's also rumor of a Connect Four spinoff, which I hear is really a family drama about sibling rivalry. Don't take your kids to the upcoming Twister though. That one is a porn.

What's on your list?

Everyone deserves a second chance

Hi guys, remember this? I ran that half marathon for kids in Africa. I know those of you that didn't get a chance to contribute felt just awful about it.

It's not too late!.

I'm running a full marathon now, for the same charity, WorldVision. If you want to go and give $1 to $5 to $50 visit my page here: http://support.worldvision.org/site/TR/TeamWorldVision/General?px=1178465&pg=personal&fr_id=1431

So you've got a second chance to give someone else a second chance. It only takes $50 to provide clean water to a human being for the rest of his or her life.....

OK! No more fundraising.

My Son is Weird

Ezra H, age 10, lies on the couch, benchpressing watermelons, and then makes you feel his arms---swearing his muscles have grown already.

Ezra decided to break the world record for fastest clapping. The practicing is torture.

Ezra also practices card tricks. He's pretty good, but even good magicians are always a bit off, aren't they?

I passed two of the hardest parts of that acupuncture test, and I failed two. (I have a chance to take those over). In the middle, it was turning out to be so hard. I really thought I was failing all of it. I got onto the floor and started cursing at, whoever it was. Some spirits. The Taoist Immortals I imagine floating around my head with giant fingernails and long black hair pulled into top knots; waist-length fu manchu mustaches. The assholes that I ask for help. I'll be honest, I kind of... cried. Abject, airy, keening gasps. But I passed that part of that test.

This is happening a lot lately, bad things turning out good. E.g., I was all sick thinking I was going to lose $500 today (long story) and I didn't. Because somebody nice bent the rules for me. Apple replaced my phone even though my warrantee was up; the button was sticking. It was awful. My thumb hurts. Now I know it will get better.

But the test, I feel like I'm getting closer. I can almost see it. Not just to practicing something I've been abstractly studying for four years. But more generally, getting closer to a working life that seems real and relevant vs. happening at an awful and ugly desk surrounded by nasty assholes. Little things: I just found out I am hired to teach my first Tai Chi for Arthritis class through St. Paul community ed, and they are interested in having me teach some other classes I pitched, including a class for kids and a meditation class. These things don't pay shit, but, the idea of getting paid anything to talk about things I like seems like movement in a bigger direction. Patience.

Also today I found a good pair of shoes (if I said "the perfect pair of shoes" it would be time to hang it up, heterosexuality) for only $40. And I don't have to go into an office tomorrow.

That's me. More importantly, my lady got asked by two different companies today to interview for jobs. I keep remembering my good news is only as good as hers. Keep your fingers crossed, light one of your Santeria candles, swing some chickens' feet on a string at midnight, whatever you do. Bow down and ask the Gods of Kung Fu to subtly manipulate time and space on her behalf (that's not really how they work, but the asking counts). Pray my good luck will also help my lady. But we both know it's not really luck. It's magic.

I'm taking this test tomorrow --- the one I've been studying for for weeks --- I have to tell you, at this point it's a gamble.  It's mostly guessing, so I'm focusing on the sections I can guess smartest about.

This has been a summer of small accomplishments, so hopefully the luck, persistence, whatever, will continue to pay off tomorrow.

I'll let you know.

State Fair

Seed Art

More Seed Art

Sky Ride

View from Sky Ride

Menu:

• Deep fried cheese curds
• Deep fried pickles
• Sweet corn
• "Pronto Pup" (Minnesota State Fair version of a corn dog)
• Chocolate Milk (freshly pasteurized by the U of AM Agriculture students)
• Beer
• Diet Coke
• Fresh baked cookies and coffee

I like my lady's blog post today.

365 Blog Posts, Bitches

I did it...

I cheated a few times, retroactively posting for a day I forgot, but I'm counting it. "It" was a commitment to just-write, no matter what.

A lot of crap resulted, and some days, as I said a year ago, it would just be one word. Once it was a period.

But that's part of it.

Learned a few things over the year:

• I have a tendency to crave drama
• Sometimes, the most important things that happen are just the things that happen, going to the beach with some kids, vs. big realizations and seemingly earthtweaking events
• In spite of that, it's hard to find the motivation to document those daily things sometimes
• I tend to enjoy reading those types of posts over again and experience less cringing when I do
• I believe those posts also truly make up the substance of memory. Remembering simple instances says more about a relationship, or a time in one's life, then lengthy analysis of relationships or times in one's life
• (e.g., I am studying for a pre-clinical exam which I'm taking on Tuesday. If I fail, it will kind of fuck up my situation. I'm very preoccupied with it, every minute. For some reason I'm not writing about that)
• You can like the way you say things, but be embarrased about the way you write them. A lot of times, rereading posts, they felt corny and unsophisticated, where, in person, I would've said them with characteristic eloquence and rapist wit
• People like Kelly, Elly, Tom, Pearl, my mom, "dbs," (and of course, my lady), are quality humans I count among my friends. Your comments make me happy, and I'm sorry if I forgot someone
• I am, overall, a pretty decent human myself
• There's something humble about writing, even though it would seem, in fact, to be the opposite
• I'm still learning to use commas (see last sentence for example)
• The dogs are far more important to our lives than they deserve

What's next? I have some ideas... I'm worried about my financial future. Paying off my student loans. Having a retirement. So I'm brainstorming about some kind of book I can write. I don't think my life is more interesting than anyone else's, and I'm not trolling for a complement in saying I'm also not a particularly talented writer (I'm just a talker with a keyboard, really). It's just a business thing. If I have any ideas I'll pitch them to you.

So thank you for reading my stuff and dog bless.

(Typing with thumbs not to wake up my lady). I am thinking of writing some kind of book to pay off my school loans. More tomorrow.

(When I just typed that the iPhone changed it to "more Oreos." Hm. Great title).

me, cassie and the boys went to the high school football field to play catch

it was an archetype of late summer and early fall. the kids' shouts, the "pock!" of pigskin on human hands, and the pounding of tiny sneakers competed with a sudden flock of geese that gave us all pause

the astroturf, vividly colored in pristine lines forming the local team's name and insignia mascot, was springy

so much so that cassie's unexpected turds were held aloft to the darkening sky as an offering

before i scooped them into a half full bottle of gatorade and threw them away. touchdown.

sunday.

happy birthday to me

my birthday was almost a month ago but i finally got my present from the boys, a trip to see captain america. it was fucking awesome.

last day of summer

this summer i tried to keep fridays open to spend with my kids, a privilege i never had before because of full-time corporate jobs.

this friday was the last before their school started, so we went to the pool in the rich part of town. there are body slides, tube slides and a zip line.

"you're not like other parents when you come to the pool," Ezra said, "you actually swim." i did spend the entire three hours in the water, vs. reading the Spawn comics i'd brought along just in case. i tossed ambrose, who is still light, over my head countless times. Ezra wanted me to throw him too so badly. but that would be bad for my back. he's getting huge.

ezra is showing me lately that he is still willing to be a kid and still sees me as his dad. he was by my side the whole time "dad look at this," "dad watch this," "dad can you do this?"

no, i didn't read comics or fall asleep in the chair. but i do have one selfish, solitary thing i reserve for myself which is to swim underwater, way down at the bottom. many times, pushing off from the wall and wriggling way down low, seeing the hair sway in front of my face and washing my hands push the water. hearing the muffled bumps and cries but mostly, silence, retreating into it again and again with as much breath as i can save.

i come up again to the reward of swimming with my kids, tossing ambrose over my head once more, letting him swim up to me and throw his arms around my neck, pretending to be a shark and watching them scream.

good night, blank screen.

Holy Shit! Shaolin Kung Fu!

Just by random chance we were at the Mall of America today going to Sea Life, and there just happened to be a Chinese cultural exhibition featuring MONKS FROM THE ACTUAL FUCKING SHAOLIN TEMPLE.

I can't really explain the significance for me! I am such a fan!

I knew they toured, but I never thought I'd see them here. And the demonstration... it was fucking mind-blowing. OMG!

if life really is random and unfair; cruelty diving down out of chaos to flatten us, even when we are at our most guileless and sincere; then only compassion---singular, direct and human---can save us. it sounds soft, i picture it like a knife. cutting across everything to pry diamonds out of even the most stubborn rock.

there are two parents whose only crime is wanting a healthy daughter, and when i think of their anxiety and sadness i want to look away. it feels like too much. i'm going to try and hold the feeling, imagine what it might be like, and hope that in doing so something will flash out across the darkness and reach them and find them safe.

This morning there was mist covering the ground, and it was like there was no ground. Or it was as if the trees were growing out of the sky.

I had this thought --- about how the mist covers up the real root of things, like an illusion, and yet we enjoy the illusion, and that if everything were too obvious we couldn't really become enlightened, because there'd be nothing difficult to train our minds against --- but by the time I got home from the nature trail to write the thought down I had lost it.

Counting seconds

I ran that half-marathon today. Realistically I thought I'd get 2:20, which is a little more than half of my full marathon time from '08. In a perfect world and by some miracle, I'd hoped to get under 2. I made the decision to urinate part-way into the race, just so I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable the whole time, because there's discomfort enough. It brought me 44 seconds away from the miraculous, a mere stream in the great flow of time. 

And not to diminish the good fortune of completing the race. Running offers powerful lessons about the mind, and practice in the way of mindfulness. 

If you think too much about what's ahead, your spirit flags, and you see how directly your thoughts can sap your energy. To stave off this leaching of vital energy, you have to focus only on each step and allow each step to be all that matters. The mind leaps into that space throwing up new distractions, and you keep repeating to yourself that only running counts.

But let's not be false under the cover of being pedantic. Really, running a lot is just a perfect excuse to eat bacon, with impunity. I had fried food twice today, bitches.

Went to a baby shower today. It made me think about what it was once like to have babies around. Running a race tomorrow, so we made our own spaghetti dinner. My lady fixed my messed up neck so I would have a better run. She takes care of me.