last day of summer

this summer i tried to keep fridays open to spend with my kids, a privilege i never had before because of full-time corporate jobs.

this friday was the last before their school started, so we went to the pool in the rich part of town. there are body slides, tube slides and a zip line.

"you're not like other parents when you come to the pool," Ezra said, "you actually swim." i did spend the entire three hours in the water, vs. reading the Spawn comics i'd brought along just in case. i tossed ambrose, who is still light, over my head countless times. Ezra wanted me to throw him too so badly. but that would be bad for my back. he's getting huge.

ezra is showing me lately that he is still willing to be a kid and still sees me as his dad. he was by my side the whole time "dad look at this," "dad watch this," "dad can you do this?"

no, i didn't read comics or fall asleep in the chair. but i do have one selfish, solitary thing i reserve for myself which is to swim underwater, way down at the bottom. many times, pushing off from the wall and wriggling way down low, seeing the hair sway in front of my face and washing my hands push the water. hearing the muffled bumps and cries but mostly, silence, retreating into it again and again with as much breath as i can save.

i come up again to the reward of swimming with my kids, tossing ambrose over my head once more, letting him swim up to me and throw his arms around my neck, pretending to be a shark and watching them scream.