i want my moma

other cities try to have museums but usually end up with shit like this

big debate tonight over whether you'd choose only salty, or only sweet, for the rest of your life, if the devil put a gun to your head and made you pick one. easier choice for her (salty) than for me. life without either is a living hell indeed. which is why i choose peanut butter sundae topping. it is truly the middle way.

jesus MIGHT be returning

there were about 10 people in church clothes carrying signs and waving them at cars from the side of Nicollet Avenue; a cop car drove alongside slowly with its lights on; but the signs were all in Spanish and the only word I could make out was "jesus." could've said anything, like "jesus it's hot today," because it was. hot as hell.

here are some good things about my new job:

it is part-time
it is only four months long
it is performed in exchange for some money
some of the work may be done from home
taxes are taken out, which is painful, but it stops me from spending it all
there are some nice people there
it's good to work with people after being solo for a few years
there are opportunities for me to help innovate new things, there's an audience for ideas
it's fun taking the bus
it's incredibly motherfucking busy, so the time goes fast
because of that you feel, if not useful, at least not use-less
it will help me take criticism better, a weak point of mine, because i doubt i can avoid it there
someday soon i will meet someone else who has a stressful job, and i will get it
it's going to push me to practice the techniques I've been playing around for years, techniques to stay balanced and calm, because this environment is what they're for.

listing these things first, and leaving others out, is part of a lifelong struggle to start with the positives.

a bodhisattva is a soul that has achieved enlightenment. it doesn't have to come back and slog around in the mud of human suffering anymore, but it decides to return anyway. stupid decision for such a wise being.

tired.

"Out the window with the window!"
-Gregory Corso

Horrible Bosses was funny if you're wondering.

Tonight watched butch cassidy with my sundance kid

I've been clean/sober since 2000 AD. I plan to be so for ever, although it really is a one-day-a-time sort of venture. That said, just once in a while, it would be nice if someone allowed me to completely wipe out my mind on a Friday evening. I'm so tired of my own thoughts.

Running the trail each morning, stopping to do some martial arts on the footbridge over the lake (if nobody's looking), seeing a blue heron, seeing mother ducks with their kids, being surprised by a deer or a turtle laying eggs on the path, breathing and moving, this all helps. In fact, besides from evenings, when I get to be with my lady and the kids, this is the most real time of my day.

Then I have to leave and spend the day in what feels like a completely anxious and unnatural state, stuck in a cubicle or in front of a hot machine typing. I started wondering a while ago what other kind of work I could do. Work that feels real and relevant and useful, to occupy the middle of the day not with pushing pieces of paper around on a desk until I am done. That's why I went back to school for something like acupuncture.

I'm meeting today with somebody who might have a lead. Possibly doing Tui Na treatments in a space at a medical office. I hope it works out. Lately I am having such a hard time with my current job. Constant anxiety over getting fired, and constant anxiety about how little I am making after taxes are taking out (I'm beginning to identify with the Republicans). I'm just being honest: mental agony.

So back to the other thought, I'm hoping to whack my mind out in a safe way for a couple of hours this weekend, as well as take a long, fucking, run. I'd run away, but I do have some good things to return to, things worth sticking around for.

Today: Let's just let it slip quietly away without comment.

So I'm getting my window fixed, no problems with the insurance company. I hate when people say "it's all good" but it basically is.

All except for the stolen GPS. Remember this whimsical little tale about two TomTom's who fall in love? Several people on Facebook unwittingly wrote a sequel in response to my bitching about the theft. They suggested maybe the stolen GPS would lead the thief in the wrong direction, or to another bad neighborhood, or even to the police.

People are funny. They make up for all the assholes who steal things.

Carma?

Couple weeks ago I called my insurance agent. I never talk to him but once every couple years; I called this time to have him cancel auto-payments from my checking account. They keep coming out at bad times and I saw a bad time coming. It was too late so I had to put a stop payment in through my bank.

The next day I drove into a highway barrier and smashed my windshield. No other damage to me or the car, don't worry. But I was a bit nervous having cancelled the insurance payment and then suddenly having an accident. It was fine, they fixed it.

Then this afternoon I get off the bus and walk a block to the place I leave my car during the day. Busy street, a lot of foot traffic, I'm sure a lot of cops. And yet somebody smashed the passenger window and stole my GPS. And this time the insurance company is going to be suspicious. Is this guy breaking his own windows?

I dont know if I should tell them. Anyway, what the fuck, right? Two windows two weeks?

What are we going to do today? We're without kids until sometime later. The gun range is open, adventure golf at the mall of america is only $8. There's a July 4 special at the underwater aquarium and the zoo is a possibility. tonight we're going to our town fireworks display which is always really good. the boys will be back; sitting there in the buggy dark watching the lights burst and fall has always been a tradition that seems to fuse the family around the simplicity of basic human wonder. we'll see...

we went to see this movie for the second time tonight. i really wish there were longer clips available.

Today we went to a neighborhood carnival, played mini golf, grilled hot dogs and then shot off some fireworks. You should see Merry's mini golfing style.

The kids are away this weekend with their mother. I keep thinking something's missing and when I realize it's them, for a second I can't quite catch my breath. It's been a couple years now but it still feels new, the microfamily of three we have become on our own. We helped each other through it, and sometimes, I just want those goofy bastards all to myself.

Word of the day for no particular reason whatever other than I like it is prestidigitation.

No, dude, I meant there's an ACTUAL millstone around my neck.

The Marvelous Toy.

My Mom sang it to me, I sang it to my boys, and tonight I had the pleasure of singing it to Merry. The years have gone by too quickly it seems.

Added some background to the story of Friday's trip.

First Friday

Because I have a part-time contract, finally I can have something I've wanted for ten years. I'm spending the summer with my kids. On Fridays. This Friday we took a 9-mile journey, them on bikes and me running. We decided to go straight down Nicollet Avenue, which is two blocks from our house, all the way to the Mississippi.

This bridge is the border between where we live, Richfield, and the City of Minneapolis. We made it a milestone.

I packed hot dogs and Gatorade which we stopped to eat.

The boys also packed their journals. Ezra is working on a story.

The next milestone was hitting downtown. This is 13th St. Where Nicollet Ave becomes Nicollet Mall. That's where the title sequence of Mary Tyler Moore takes place. There's a statue. Meanwhile I let the boys put Mountain Dew in their thermoses, which they are holding here. The caffeine helped us make this trip. The thermoses exploded, and then they closed them and blew them up again. Several times.

These people were promoting Cars 2. They gave us posters.

Here's Ezra on the foot bridge over the Mississippi. To the left is a giant lock and St. Anthony Falls. The spray was cool after that long trip.

There's the lock and the Falls.

This is a very Minneapolis picture. Modern mixed with flour. From right to left you have high-end condos, the Mill City Museum--built inside the ruins of an exploded Pillsbury plant--, the Gold Medal Flour sign, and the ultra-modern Guthrie theater with its bridge to nowhere, an observation deck overlooking the city.

This is Foxy, Foxy and "Foxeh" (which Ambrose says with a James Brown intonation) bungee jumping.

Did I mention it was Foxy's birthday?

Ezra listening to Run DMC.

I felt great after the 9-mile run when we stopped down by the river. Then I started running again. I made it about 5 blocks before my left knee and lower leg completely shit the bed. Ezra let me ride his bike all the way home, and he rode Ambrose's, carrying his brother on the pegs.

I saw Ambrose giving Ezra little Tuina treatments ("Gun Fa," which means rolling method) when he got tired while riding.

Ezra wanted me to take a picture of the boys looking their tiredest.

This is going to be one of those days the boys talk about for a long time. They've been talking about it since Friday, and planning what we'll do the next, and the next and the following. I'm going to pretend it will never end.

my lady did wedding flowers this weekend, the laundry room was converted to a workshop. i just took this picture for myself. i hope she posts some of the official photos. she wasn't thrilled with the flowers the bride wanted and yet she managed to make them look like this.

Stay at home dad today, spending as little time as possible actually at home

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Aaaand... Wednesday.

Tuesday

the traditional father son camping photo

(Ez and I took one in front of the same tent two years ago, i even had the same shirt on.)

a weekend away with my son. hiding from the rain, watching logs burn and smoke climb into a sky fraught with lightning. smelling earth, shooting arrows. making mini paddle boats out of wood and rubber bands. they don't work, but it doesn't matter. we were just making time, and every moment with my son is remade in the same way, anyway. eating white bread and potato chips and carrying an open bag of peanut butter cups. watching him from a distance wrestling with his friends, making poop jokes, still a little boy. little enough to lift him over my head and toss him in the water. noticing the sweet way he idolizes the camp counselors, calls them by their nicknames, asks for their attention. anticipating the way he always returns to me to hold my hand or lean against me.

happy fathers day to all the dads in the house.

Out-of-Office-Assistant (2)

I know you miss me, but I'm still not here. Ambrose and I went camping. I will return Sunday. Have a nice weekend.

Out-of-Office-Assistant

Thank you for visiting my blog. Ambrose and I went camping. I will return Sunday. Have a nice weekend.

That expression "everything happens in threes" is such bullshit. It's at least sixes.
Ambrose and I are going camping tomorrow. Good, I need to get out of here for a couple days.

Today's rating is Meh +

Suckage.

El Mariachi

The wedding reception this weekend was in a reception hall in a state park overlooking the beach of a lake with towering palms. the sky was dramatic low and the wind incessant and there were lights in the trees. then this band walked in and surprised everybody. it was pretty perfect.

Home again with the girls.

the couple

Deep in the heart of Texas.

We are in Laredo, Texas for the wedding of my long-time friend. The trip across South Dakota two weeks ago was foreshadowing for this. We took a 2-hour drive from St. Antonio through dusty scrubland, Border Patrol trucks crawling everywhere, other drivers wearing cowboy hats. Past cactus and palm trees. Laredo sits on the Mexican border and, in the town, most of the signs are in Spanish. We got lost and drove through a wealthy neighborhood with hacienda-style homes with courtyards and gates. There are palm trees everywhere and of course, it's hot. The wedding is tomorrow. My friend is very Christian, of the pure and fundamental, Bible-studying sort. He would be comfortable wearing simple robes with a rope belt. His beliefs are sincere. He is marrying a woman of Mexican descent; her family is also very religious. The ceremony will be in Spanish with translation. There are at least three pastors. We keep looking at each other, is this really happening? To say the experience is surreal is to speak the pure and perfect Truth.

Leaving Friday for Laredo, TX for the wedding of one of my oldest friends.

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Spring.

"And springþ þe wde nu,
Sing cuccu!
Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu.
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke uerteþ,
Murie sing cuccu!"

("And the wood springs anew,
Sing, Cuckoo!
The ewe bleats after the lamb
The cow lows after the calf.
The bullock stirs, the stag farts,
Merrily sing, Cuckoo!")

-Middle English folk song

It's Spring, and roots push heavenward and explode into bloom...

The Woodland Princesses embody the transition of seasons.

Children sprout moustaches and pick dandelions.

Male ducks duel for the affections of a lady duck on our roof.

Pagan rituals abound...

There are parades.

And drums.

And dancing.

Children climb stupidly high.

At last, life is in color.

Note: Those are actual lyrics in the quote. Sad that because it has the word "fart" in it, this is the only thing I remember from Early English Literature class.

My latest accomplishment.

Saturday I leaned way back to throw a toy parachute in the air and, stepping forward, wailed my toe, hard, into a stump. I brought the other foot down directly into a pile of dog shit.

More random shit you find along the road in the American midwest.

This was discovered just outside of Rapid City, SD. I don't know what it was for, it was in a field next to a gas station. Notice how whoever made these felt obliged to make one of Kennedy, but it's way off to the side.

It's Saturday fir chrissakes... Saturday! Go blog your own blog. I'm on my break. Ah who am I kidding. Get over here ya big lug.

More water

This post flows from the last one.

Dammed.

We came across this dam on the Missouri River. There's a spot where many people pull off the road to watch the place where the river comes venting through.

To me, it was a very obvious demonstration of what happens when you try to go against nature, or when one tries to go against one's nature. It will have its way. Independently, we were each thinking about the significance of what we saw. Driving away Elizabeth said she thought the dam was an example of people's ingenuity, how much thought and effort it takes to accomplish something like that, building a dam.

There is a certain power generated by opposites in balance.

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