ABC ABC gum.

I stole this from my lady, who stole it from somebody else.

A. Age: Biological, 38. Mental, about 12. Wii Fit Age, sometimes 25 sometimes 54. Spiritual, sometimes 3 sometimes 2,000. Guess my age, a lot older (fucking gray hair, stress lines).

B. Bed size: "Slightly too small for two adults and two dogs."

C. Chore you dislike: Skilled at finding reasons not to fold laundry.

D. Dogs: "I have a pit bull named Lydia. Plus Eric's collie, Princess Cassandra Louis LaPorte."

E. Essential start to your day: I meditate and drink coffee at the same time. For real.

F. Favorite color: The cool thing to say is black, but I sort of like green.

G. Gold or silver: This is a first-world problem. I'm not there yet.

H. Height: Not enough.

I. Instruments you play(ED): Vocals, harmonica, a long time ago guitar.

J. Job title: "Content Strategist." TCM Practitioner. Student.

K. Kids: Two boys a sort of step-daugher and sort of step-son.

L. Live: With my lady.

M. Mom’s name: Wahneta. It's Native American - named after a grandma's friend.

N. Nicknames: My friend Brian was too lazy to say the second syllable so I went by "Er" for a while. Sometimes still called "E." My lady calls me "sweetie."

O. Overnight hospital stays: Not for me.

P. Pet peeves: People wearing sandals. The exaggerated way actors eat in movies and TV. Anachronistic dialogue in movies and TV. People who abbreviate the word "sandwich" to "sammy" or "sammich." People who walk too slow. People with no original sense of humor who just quote jokes from movies and TV. People who talk to themselves. People who crinkle plastic wrappers in movie theaters. People who clap after movies or watch the credits, this usually happens at artsy theaters. People who speak too softly and wear fanny packs. People who talk about recycling. People who say "good morning" or worse just, "morning." People. The words "morning," "belly," "tummy," "yummy," and "lunch." Meetings and the stupid shit people say in meetings. Jargon. Small talk. Much of what the dogs do. Cereal milk left in the bowl, condiments left on plates. Much of what the kids do.

Q. Quote from a movie: Peanut, the way your mind works is God's own personal mystery.

R. Righty or Lefty: Right (and weirdly suspicious of lefties).

S. Siblings: Little brother.

T. Time you wake up: Too fuckin late.

U. Underwear: Ideally, but

V. Vegetables you don’t like: EGGPLANT.

W. What makes you run late: Existing.

X. X-rays you’ve had: Hand.

Y. Yummy food you make: Quesadilla and sometimes I luck out with a decent stir-fry (and there's that word, "yummy").

Z. Zoo Animal Favorites: Big cats. Apes of any kind. Bears. Deadly animals of any kind. Reptiles. The whole aquarium and seals. The "Most Deadly Animal" at the Bronx zoo. And the bats. Birds and antelopes are boring as fuck.