Campaign promises.

Fellow Americans.

As a nation, I believe we can work harder to create situations people will like.

I am a progressive candidate. In casting your ballot for me, I can promise you will feel a certain satisfaction for having voted progressively.

After a long time working hard on behalf of all Americans to develop strong opinions, I have-developed-those-opinions. I've learned to make pauses like those you just heard, pauses that I'm convinced can benefit, or at least not harm, the majority of people who hear them.

In these uncertain times, people are uncertain. Hard-working Americans everywhere are working hard, and industry strives to remain a force for making things. These are times that demand leaders who say things with feeling.

As you can see from studying my platform, it is made of wood. It has little wheels on it. It's a nice platform, a platform all of us can decisively stand around as I, in turn, stand upon it. I encourage you today to vote for my platform. "I like this platform the best," you will effectively be saying through the act of turning in your ballot. I like my platform just as much if not more, and I'm going to shout it from the rooftops. Of my platform. I believe in this thing.

Bottom line: People today could be said to desire electing a candidate.

I'll add, a candidate who will most likely not disappoint them. I can nearly guarantee the likelihood of your not being disappointed when you vote for me (and my platform). Why? Because it's reasonably easy to continue emphasizing things. I'm pretty sure I can keep doing it. Every time I do, I'll be doing what I said. With feeling. A candidate who not only does what he says but sort of meta does it comes along but once a week.

So as a closing promise, I state loudly, with my platform as my witness, that should I ever lose the conviction to speak clearly, and strongly, in my public addresses or even in emails I send to people, adding pauses, I will do whatever it takes to summon up that feeling again. I'll take Prozac. I'm that committed.

Let's get out to the polling places today and write our choices on ballots! It is a Tuesday!

I'm Eric H-------, and I really approve of this message.